Long before the birth of the funeral industry as we know it, family led funerals were the normal way to say goodbye to a person. People and families would care for their person who had died at home. The body was prepared for burial in the home, washed and dressed by family members. A coffin was constructed, and families would walk alongside the funeral procession to the graveyard. Family led funerals aren’t a new concept, they are how funerals used to be.
What are Family Led Funerals?
Family led funerals generally refer to funeral ceremonies mostly contributed to and delivered by family members and friends of the person who has died. Family members and friends write the ceremony and read it out on the day of a funeral. After the ceremony food and drink prepared by family members is shared as guests tell stories about the person.
Family led funerals can also involve arranging the burial or cremation, caring for the body of the person, washing, and dressing them, transporting the person’s body to their funeral, writing, and delivering the ceremony, organising, and catering for the reception (as was once the only way before going to a pub or a restaurant became popular), and collecting the ashes or backfilling the grave. This is referred to as home funerals, a funeral without the involvement of a funeral director.
Home Funerals
Do you know you do not need to use the services of a funeral director when somebody dies? You can keep the body of a person at home and care for it and prepare it for their celebration of life ceremony. Information on how to do this can be found in many online searches including The Good Funeral Guide.
The First Undertakers
Family led and family involved funerals were gradually replaced by undertakers involvement in the late 1600’s. Undertakers were joiners who branched out to coffin making and selling. It wasn’t until the Victorian era that undertakers became a more commonly used profession for those who could afford them. Offering a service to relieve families of the duty of caring for their person who had died.
A one stop funeral shop, undertakers carried out the funeral preparations and provided transportation and organised burial arrangements with churchyards, taking away the need to arrange this by families. A new way of holding a funeral came about and with it, many traditions from the Victorian era which we still follow today. Why do we follow funeral customs and traditions put in place nearly 200 years ago?
Why did family led funerals decline in numbers while funerals arranged by undertakers became the new normal? Was caring for their dead seen as outdated in the Victorian era? Was it viewed as burden to which others could take on? Was it considered a class divide if the services of an undertaker were employed rather than the DIY funeral? Undertakers provided a service taking away the physical duties required when somebody dies, but also the opportunity for family organised and led funerals.
Traditional Funerals
Tradition is a set of observational actions and customs passed down through generations. Traditions aren’t questioned but observed by each generation who pass traditions on to those younger. Now in our times what are labelled as alternative funerals (life centred ceremonies with little if any religion, led by a celebrant and family defined) are seen as different to traditional funerals (religious or semi religious led by the clergy with minimal family input). These kinds of funerals became known as alternative funerals as they were an alternative to what was traditional.
Why has it reversed? When did the conventional use of undertakers organised funerals become traditional over the previous traditions of funeral arranging? Traditional it seems is the concept of following what others do.
Now celebrant led funerals are more popular than clergy led funerals, will celebrant led funerals become traditional and clergy led the new alternative? Will we see a return to funerals organised and carried out by people over those organised by the undertakers of today who are now known as funeral directors?
A Return to Home Funerals
Home funerals are on the increase as families want to have more involvement. Family unity and wanting to be involved in the funeral process rather than instruct a funeral director are the only option for some families and groups of friends. Some make their decision based on the financial costs of a funeral as home funerals are more cost effective as well as being personalised.
Families choosing home funerals, or family led funerals can find help and advice online from various websites including www.naturaldeath.org.uk . On their website, Natural Death Centre have all required information about arranging a funeral. There are also links to approved celebrants as I am, and to funeral directors who will support families and supply a coffin to those wanting family led funerals. From their website:
If you are looking for help, support, advice, or guidance planning a funeral, either for yourself or for someone close to you, the Natural Death Centre Charity is here for you.
We are passionate about sharing knowledge, dispelling myths, and empowering everyone who wants to have the best experience possible when it comes to making arrangements for a funeral.
Support is available to those interested in having family led funerals.
As an alternative funeral Celebrant, I have been involved with family led funerals, and have helped families write and construct personal and unique funeral ceremonies, which were led by each family. All funeral Celebrants should offer this service to families who need guidance and support to perform the ceremony within the family.
Family Involved Funerals
When the times comes to say goodbye to a family member most people will still employ the services of a funeral director. Caring for somebody at home isn’t for everyone and choosing to entrust your person’s body to a funeral director will still give you opportunities to be involved as a family. A good funeral director will listen to your needs and not try to sell you services or products you do not need or want, carrying out your requests. They will welcome you to wash, dress and help prepare your person’s body for their funeral.
You can take flowers from each family member’s garden rather than having to buy expensive floral arrangements. You can choose if you require a printed Order of Service from your involved funeral director, or you can make your own if you decide you need one.
If required, a funeral celebrant can help you write a personalised funeral ceremony or a celebration of life. They will support you during the ceremony if you require them to and they can help you with a scattering of ashes ceremony if you need them to.
However you decide to be involved in the arrangements and logistics of a funeral ceremony is your personal choice. Ultimately what is important is you mark the end of your person’s life and acknowledge what they mean to you in your individual way.
If you are looking for information on family led, home funerals or script writing services, please contact me for more information.
Images by The Good Funeral Guide