You may have heard the phrase, ‘celebration of life’ and are unsure of what this entails. Is it a modern phrase for a funeral or is it a different ceremony? Can a celebration of life ceremony have prayers or hymns, or is it a civil funeral without religion?
The term ‘celebration of life’ is a recent term as a kind of funeral. Celebrations of life ceremonies are an alternative to a traditional funeral.
What is a Traditional Funeral?
Funerals as we know them started in the Victorian era. Victorian funerals were religious ceremonies of mourning for the person who had died and thanks given to God for their life (or in some cases stating how wretched the person was if they had led a less than Christian life). Funerals were used as platforms to preach to those in attendance about leading a good life or their fate would be sealed for eternity.
Most of what we do in funerals (and weddings) comes from this era. Funerals now are categorised as traditional or alternative, religious, or non-religious (or Humanist). Traditional doesn’t mean a funeral is of Victorian values, it means the ceremony content includes religious wording, prayers, and hymns. It means those attending will be referred to as mourners and dress in black. It may mean a religious leader takes the funeral, or it could be a celebrant who is happy to say religious words.
Traditionally it would be called a funeral service as funerals were led by religious leaders. Why are we still using the term ‘funeral service’ for all kinds of funerals? A funeral celebrant provides a service, but the ceremonies we create and lead aren’t services, they are ceremonies.
What is an Alternative Funeral?
An alternative funeral is a funeral which differs from traditional funerals. Those who believe tradition is outdated, habitual and without relevance to them will chose alternative funerals. Funerals usually without religion (although it can be added if required), attended by loved ones, associates and guests wearing requested clothing rather than the traditional Victorian black suits and formal wear worn at traditional funerals.
It is the ceremony content and the aesthetics which deem it to be an alternative funeral, but a funeral can be classed as alternative if it doesn’t follow the archaic unspoken guidelines of a traditional funeral.
Any kind of music rather than Christian hymns, humorous poems and readings, guests being given candles, sweets, bubbles, glowsticks to use during a time of personal thought, or seeds to take home and plant are commonly included in alternative funeral ceremonies.
Colourful, cardboard or wicker coffins, burial felted pods and shrouds, alternative transport such as a tractor, leopard print hearse, lorry, bus, or motorbike side car are some of the many differences seen at alternative funerals.
Floral tributes are usually personalised to objects or themes the person liked rather than traditional floral tributes which were cushions made from flowers, ‘Gates of Heaven’ or wreaths.
What is a Celebration of Life?
Celebrations of life are life centred ceremonies about the person who has died. The person’s life story is told in much greater detail than it would be mentioned during a traditional funeral. The ceremony will include many memories, happy times told of family members mentioned and the achievements of the person recalled.
Celebrations of life may have more guest interaction with singing, leaving notes of love, placing flowers, story telling and laughter. Laughter at a traditional funeral is less likely to happen than during a celebration of life. It certainly isn’t disrespectful to smile, laugh in or to enjoy a celebration of life ceremony. What is disrespectful is to ignore who they were if they had a great sense of humour and liked a laugh.
Celebrations of life have been noted as being helpful for the essential grieving process we all go through when a loved one dies. We like to remember people with happy and strong memories not with sorrow or sincerity. Obviously, we are sorrowful they are no longer with us physically, but by ‘giving them a good send off’ it helps us remember them for the right reasons.
Changing the outdated funeral terminology is something we all need to consider. Why are we calling those in attendance mourners rather than guests? We do not call those at celebratory events mourners, we call them guests or attendees. We are mourning a death, but we are also celebrating a life.
How Can You Plan a Celebration of Life Ceremony?
Funerals are about the person who has died, but they are for those who are attending. Family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours, associates, and others who knew the person attend funerals. These are the people closest to the person who has died; people who love the and want to say goodbye to them.
Hearing memories and songs which make people smile as they recall happy times spent together makes a ceremony as unique as the person it is for. Joining together in celebration of a life is important in helping us to grieve. We can all plan our own celebrations of life and let our loved ones and people know of our plans.
Things to include:
Write down words you would like said
Music you would like to be played
Any poems/readings/quotes/song lyrics you want to be heard
What clothing do you want your guests to wear?
These are just a few things to consider. Further information on Planning Your Own Funeral.
As an independent funeral celebrant in North Yorkshire, I have helped many people have a celebration of life ceremony. After leading over a thousand ceremonies for people of all ages, walks of life and of various beliefs, celebrations of life have created unity in grief, and many have stated how they have enjoyed the ceremony (usually with the question ‘is it wrong to say I enjoyed that’). It isn’t wrong to say a funeral or life celebration of life ceremony was funny and captured the essence of the person.
Times have changed and we are no longer in Victorian times so why are we still following Victorian funeral traditions? What kind of funeral do you want?